Saturday, August 16, 2008

Nineteen Things I Hate About Being a Vegetarian!

  1. I hate ordering a pizza, having them leave out the most expensive ingredient (the cheese), and still having to pay full price.
  2. Speaking of restaurants, I hate being lied to by waitpeople who are too lazy to go ask the chef, and instead tell me anything I want to hear. ("…Yeah, I think our bacon cheeseburger deluxe is totally vegetarian.")
  3. I hate it that, even if I had the money, I couldn't even consider buying really nice shoes (leather), rugs (wool), cars (leather seats), or a myriad of other products. (Why can't they make this stuff veg-friendly?)
  4. I hate the way plastic (phony leather) belts always fall apart.
  5. I hate being socially rejected as a "killjoy," and never being invited to all those social events where people with the meat-eating habit get together for their "fix."
  6. I hate it that my vegetarianism reduces my field of potential mates by 95%. (Okay, well I guess I don't mind that maybe the competition is reduced too.)
  7. I hate being in the Detroit airport at 9:00 at night and realizing that the limitations of my diet may make my food choices for the night less healthy (yes, the potato chips are vegan) than those of my meat-eating fellow travelers.
  8. I hate paying twice as much for soymilk as others pay for cow's milk.
  9. I hate having to buy the name brand of a medicine because the generic stuff only comes in "gel tabs."
  10. I hate that my vegetarianism was always a wedge between my parents and me.
  11. I hate being looked upon as a model for a healthy lifestyle. (Merely because I don't eat animals doesn't mean I don't have plenty of other vices!)
  12. I hate it when people assume that, because I'm vegetarian, I must be an aging hippie. (Even if it is true.)
  13. I hate feeling sorry for the plants I eat.
  14. I hate the fact that my organic vegetables may be supporting factory farming. (Yes, all that organic "fertilizer" has to come from somewhere.)
  15. I hate it whenever I make people go to any extra trouble to accommodate my vegetarianism.
  16. I hate not being able to stop myself from preaching to my meat-eating friends, even though I know intellectually that it won't do any good and that they'll just resent me for it.
  17. I hate the fact that nobody has developed a good, slip-on, stylish loafer that breathes and that I can wear without socks (I don't ask for much, do I?) without using leather.
  18. I hate it when restaurants and caterers assume that, because I don't eat meat, I also don't want anything with any fat, spices, or taste whatsoever.
  19. I love vegetarianism so much that I hate having to hate anything about it!


Anonymous said...

Vegetarians who think they are being "holier than thou" when they hassle a poor, overworked waitperson about EXACTLY what is in the food has terribly misplaced priorities. Eating out with these people is mortifying and you wonder where to send them to finishing school. Talk about Plebian. Talk about an insecure idiot trying to impress. Talk about someone with ego problems.

Try Crocs.

Anonymous said...