Nineteen Things I Hate About Being a Vegetarian!

1. I hate ordering a pizza, having them leave out the most expensive ingredient (the cheese), and still having to pay full price.
   
2. …Speaking of restaurants, I hate being lied to by waitpeople who are too lazy to go ask the chef, and instead tell me anything I want to hear. ("…Yeah, I think our bacon cheeseburger deluxe is totally vegetarian.")
   
3. I hate it that, even if I had the money, I couldn't even consider buying really nice shoes (leather), rugs (wool), cars (leather seats), or a myriad of other products. (Why can't they make this stuff veg-friendly?)
   
4. I hate the way plastic (phony leather) belts always fall apart.
   
5. I hate being socially rejected as a "killjoy," and never being invited to all those social events where people with the meat-eating habit get together for their "fix."
   
6. I hate it that my vegetarianism reduces my field of potential mates by 95%. (…Okay, well I guess I don't mind that maybe the competition is reduced too.)
   
7. I hate being in the Detroit airport at 9:00 at night and realizing that the limitations of my diet may make my food choices for the night less healthy (yes, the potato chips are vegan) than those of my meat-eating fellow travelers.
   
8. I hate paying twice as much for soymilk as others pay for cow's milk.
   
9. I hate having to buy the name brand of a medicine because the generic stuff only comes in "gel tabs."
   
10. I hate that my vegetarianism was always a wedge between my parents and me.
    
11. I hate being looked upon as a model for a healthy lifestyle. (Merely because I don't eat animals doesn't mean I don't have plenty of other vices!)
    
12. I hate it when people assume that, because I'm vegetarian, I must be an aging hippie. (Even if it is true.)
    
13. I hate feeling sorry for the plants I eat.
    
14. I hate the fact that my organic vegetables may be supporting factory farming. (Yes, all that organic "fertilizer" has to come from somewhere.)
    
15. I hate it whenever I make people go to any extra trouble to accommodate my vegetarianism.
    
16. I hate not being able to stop myself from preaching to my meat-eating friends, even though I know intellectually that it won't do any good and that they'll just resent me for it.
    
17. I hate the fact that nobody has developed a good, slip-on, stylish loafer that breathes and that I can wear without socks (I don't ask for much, do I?) without using leather.
    
18. I hate it when restaurants and caterers assume that, because I don't eat meat, I also don't want anything with any fat, spices, or taste whatsoever.
    
19. I love vegetarianism so much that I hate having to hate anything about it!